Thursday, April 12, 2012

Things, Life,Whatnot

When I started blogging several years ago, I envisioned a place to share with family, friends and whomever felt like listening. I used it to be excited, to be sad, to complain, to celebrate...

But then I got busy. And *poof* I faltered. I stopped sharing the excitement and started living it offline. I became more reserved about things I complained about. I became more selective mainly because I couldn't find the time or didn't want to share too much of my personal life. Several part time projects here and there, my review blog, stuff for the kids... and life... in general... have all put a damper in things. Have I given up on writing? Heck no. Just busy.

My dad visited the other day and asked why I don't blog any more. His sincere question has been weighing on me since. Actually, it's been weighing on me for a long time but when he said something, it hit a nerve and now I'm up at night with thoughts racing through my head. Why CAN'T I find the time to do something that has always made me so happy?

As a stay-at-home-mom, I'm often asked where all my time goes. It stresses me out to be asked that. Why can't I get this or that done? Mainly because I burn through hours in the day with nothing to show for it. It appears that I sit at my desk for what seems like all day. But in reality, that isn't the case.

My day starts off by waking up and getting the kids ready for school. They still need me for things like what to wear - even though they seldom like what I select. While doing morning chores, I make breakfast for them as well as lunches then walk then to the bus stop. Some mornings, I eat breakfast in between kid-chaos and chores while other days it isn't until about 8:30 before I find the time. We hit the gym 2-3 times a week, return home and get cleaned up, make lunch, clean up the lunch mess and really start the day around 1:00. (On the non-gym days, we usually run errands, I volunteer at the school or work my PT job as an accountant.) So 1:00 is about the first time I can sit down at the computer to really focus on any particular task. But 4 times a week, I kill about an hour or so doing a freelance project creating a newsletter for a marketing company. All the while, I'm constantly (literally) interrupted to let the dog out or back in. When I finish my freelance stuff, I have a brief window to check emails, pay bills, surf or do something non-computer until 3:20 when I walk the dog to the bus stop to meet the girls as they return from school. Once home, I'm into kid-mode helping with homework, running them here or there and trying to be a good mom. My saving grace is that DH has been doing most of the cooking so I help some but mainly focus on post-dinner cleanup. Evenings bring about their own chaos with practices, baths and family time.

Here I sit, (now 5:40 in the morning) spending about an hour putting something in writing so I don't feel like quite a loser. I finally got up after tossing and turning since sometime around 3 when the dog needed out for the second time. Yes , I'm babbling but I think I need it.

Maybe I should just plan to get up at 5 every morning so I can start my day with evidence of something concrete that I actual accomplished for the day.

Not likely though... I value sleep too much.